I must admit that when I saw my son leaving school wheeling along the “Classroom Teddy” suitcase, a little piece of me died.


For anyone who hasn’t been introduced to the concept of this furry annoyance I shall explain. Each week a new family gets burdened with the teddy to encourage pupils’ writing and story-telling skills. Parents must photograph their children in different scenarios with their new friend and stick the images in a book for their children to document their time together.

As with most tasks I am given, I got carried away… I started taking photographs of the bear enjoying a beer, later hugging a bottle of gin with suggestions of vomiting in the nearby toilet. But then I started to conjure up stories of how Ted came to be alcohol dependent.

I’d like to tell you the REAL story of Teddi Aur!

Love from,

The inappropriate Mum X


Teddi Aur: The story of a broken bear

Ted was once an altogether hardworking bear. He was much loved in his neighbourhood and highly respected by his family and friends. A good toy with a big heart and a stable career in construction.

At a teddy bear’s picnic Ted proposed to his childhood sweetheart Star. Star had been Ted’s soul mate for over ten years but each of his friends and family members despised her. She was shallow, high maintenance and quite frankly, a bit of a bitch.

Shortly after consummating the marriage in the back of Ted’s truck Star announced she was pregnant.

Ted and Star welcomed their sweet newborn into the world. Born at Heath Hospital, Cardiff weighing just 3lbs 2oz. Ted was a little concerned at first that his little girl resembled a meerkat and there were certainly no meerkat genes in his side of the family.

Ted enjoyed one week of paternity, despite pushing for two, Ted’s boss was a bit of a prick. Regardless, Ted returned to work to provide for his family. He would often enjoy weekend walks with his wife and baby but felt somewhat unfulfilled and depressed. The sleepless nights, pressures at work and time away from his new family were all taking its toll.

As the little one got older Ted’s friends and family started to gossip. It was seemingly obvious to everyone around him that the baby was half Meerkat, they tried to warn him that Star had been putting it about town but he refused to believe them. As a result of his naivety and disbelief, they disowned him.

Ted had his own suspicions that Star may indeed be having an affair. One morning Ted was bloody starving, he went downstairs to make himself some breakfast, only to find that some bastard had been at his porridge.

That afternoon he came home early from work, he’d done his back in on site and wanted to chill in front of the telly, he noticed that some bastard had been sitting in his chair.

Later that night he jumped in to bed. He noticed some black hair on his pillow and thought to himself, “some bastard has been sleeping in my bed”.

With Christmas approaching and workloads dwindling, Ted was laid off. He went to the job centre but found them unhelpful. He started his application for benefits but the Universal Credit he received was barely enough to get by. Star enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle. It turns out that she had indeed met a hunky new man. He had lots of money and an abundance of points on his Boots Advantage Card. Ted couldn’t compete with his big muscles, cheeky charm and bad boy attitude.

Star and her new fella were off enjoying luxury cruises whilst Ted was left home looking after the baby. Star was having a great time and didn’t care who knew it, uploading selfies on facebook and showing of her new lavish lifestyle.

Ted eventually packed his bags and rendered himself homeless. He had nowhere to go. With a broken heart and an empty wallet he sulked back to his friends and family but they didn’t want to know.

He turned to the council for homelessness advice but they had no space for him. He attempted to use his talent busking at his local bus stop as a temporary means of income.

With no opportunity, no support and his life spiralling out of control, Ted turned to drink and drugs as a means of comfort. Ted is now living in his tent on Cardiff Queen Street. He lives off the occasional McDonald’s bought for him by a passer by. If you see Ted be kind to him for he wasn’t always the disregarded broken toy you see today.